Why Midlife Is the Perfect Time to Reawaken Your Sexual and Spiritual Energy

There’s more to sex than the physical. And for many women, especially in midlife, the missing piece is spiritual.

Often referred to as shakti or kundalini, sacred sexuality is a practice of transcendence, where desire and devotion meet, and the physical becomes a gateway to something deeper. “Sex is so much more than just physical,” says sexologist Cheryl Fagan, founder of On Top. “When we consider the spiritual aspects of sex, we are talking about what is happening in the unseen.”

At its core, this is about reframing sexuality as an act of wholeness—mind, body, soul, and spirit all engaged at once. For the midlife woman reclaiming her sensuality, this isn’t just about pleasure—it’s about presence. The more conscious we become in our relationship to sex, the more we open up the possibility for healing, transformation, and intimacy that lingers well beyond the moment.

The Soul of Sex

Fagan created On Top from a simple but powerful place: wanting better answers. “While sex is everywhere, it’s hard to find meaningful, fact-based, relatable information out there,” Fagan says. “In the West, we’re taught that sex is merely physical and performance-based—but it’s so much more than that. I felt like the soul of sex was missing from traditional sex ed.”

That insight would become the foundation of her work—a space to explore sex in its full dimension, where biology and psychology meet intimacy and intuition.

“We are holistic beings—mind, body, heart, and soul,” Fagan says. “There are different parts to our sexuality, and they all play a significant part in our sex life.” Her framework, The Circles of Sexuality, outlines five intersecting aspects: intimacy, identity, sensuality, health and reproduction, and sexualization—the shadow side of sexuality, where disempowerment or exploitation can live. “How you are spiritually will impact the sex that you are having,” she explains. “And vice versa.”

Where the Energies Intersect

Sexual energy doesn’t begin or end in the bedroom. It’s the same current that fuels our creativity, self-expression, and connection to others. And for women in their second act, navigating changes in identity, hormonal shifts, and new relationships with their bodies, this energetic intersection often holds the key to rediscovery.

According to Fagan, this life force—what psychoanalysts call the libido—is the energy behind nearly all human behavior. “Sex literally creates life. But beyond creating human life, libido is the life force energy behind sexual, social, creative, biological, and psychological impulses,” she says. In this way, sex and spirituality are more than just linked—they’re mirrored.

The sacral chakra, for example, is known as the center of both sexuality and creativity. And whether or not you’re in a sexual relationship, how you relate to that part of yourself reveals something deeper about where you are on your spiritual path. “Spirituality is the connection to our spirit or soul,” Fagan explains. “It covers and colors everything.”

The Healing Begins Within

For many women, midlife is a reckoning—a time to release old scripts and reclaim a more truthful version of self. And nowhere is this more evident than in the realm of sex.

“We need to be gentle with ourselves when working through and clearing that out,” Fagan says. “Becoming a conscious sexual being is a process that brings freedom, pleasure, and meaning—but it may take time to get there.”

It starts with curiosity. Asking questions like: What do I really want from sex? What do I want to feel after sex? What beliefs have I inherited that no longer serve me? “Good sex makes us feel seen, loved, desired—it’s fun, intimate, satisfying, and shame-free,” she says. “It’s sex that makes you feel good about yourself.”

Fagan offers a few tangible ways to begin

• Build your sexual knowledge through books, podcasts, or short courses.
• Keep a pleasure diary to understand what truly turns you on.
• Reflect on how you may be withholding permission from yourself to experience joy.
• Examine what beliefs about sex you want to keep—and which ones you’re ready to let go of.
• Talk to trusted friends. “You aren’t alone in your questions,” Fagan reminds us.

Bridging Sex and Spirit in Real Life

Sexuality is spirituality, embodied. It’s not just philosophy—it’s something you feel. For women in midlife, this bridge can become a reclamation of power, confidence, and connection.

“When you think of a spiritual experience and a sexual experience you’ve enjoyed, consider all the senses,” Fagan offers. “What did it sound, feel, taste, smell, and look like? Do you notice similarities?”

This is a conversation that lives inside us and around us. As we reconnect with our own sexual selves, we also start to show up differently in our relationships and communities. “Growing up in Western society, many of us internalized damaging messages about sex,” she says. “When we each do our individual healing, it adds to the collective. Because we can then interact in ways rooted in respect, intention, and care.”

It’s a domino effect that begins with presence. “To heal the world around us, we must first heal ourselves.”

Whether you’re just starting to explore this connection or already deep into the journey, there’s no single path—only the practice of tuning in. “Pause. Contemplate. Who are you? Who have you been? How have your experiences helped or hindered you? And how are they guiding you now?”

Because the more we integrate our sensuality and our spirit, the more whole—and more powerful—we become.